|
Job
Description - MOM
This is from one of LAPregnancy's favorite readers...keep this
for your files!
POSITION:
Mother, Mom, Mama, Mommy, Ma
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work
in an, often chaotic environment. Candidates must possess excellent
communication and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and
frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight travel required,
including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and
endless sports tournaments in far away cities. Travel expenses not
reimbursed. Extensive courier duties also required.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
The rest of your life. Must be willing to be hated, at least
temporarily, until someone needs $5. Must be willing to possess the
physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60
mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the
backyard are not someone just crying wolf. Must be willing to face
stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,
mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers. Must screen phone
calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple
homework projects. Must have ability to plan and organize social
gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. Must handle
assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic
toys, and battery operated devices. Must always hope for the best
but be prepared for the worst. Must assume final, complete
accountability for the quality of the end product. Responsibilities
also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the
facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
Virtually none. Your job is to remain in the same position for
years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your
skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
None required unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on a
continually exhausting basis.
WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses. A balloon
payment is due when they turn 18. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme
is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition
reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth and
free hugs for life if you play your cards right
(This
Belly Scoop has been provided by a wonderful new mother named Anne
Waehner. Keep up the good work all you new and old Moms out
there!)
|
See the full list...
|
